Be the white donkey, bring Mashiach

לא עליכם המלאכה לגמר ולא אתם בני חורין לבטל ממנה

It's not on you to complete the work, and you are not free to unburden yourself from it

Sign The Purim Petition

Learn More About The Problem

Be the white donkey, bring Mashiach

לא עליכם המלאכה לגמר ולא אתם בני חורין לבטל ממנה

It's not on you to complete the work, and you are not free to unburden yourself from it

Sign The Purim Petition

Learn More About The Problem

Purim Petition for Kavod Habriot

Create the culture you want to live in

Community leaders prioritize the needs of the group… Some leaders have expressed their desire to act but ONLY if a sufficient group requests this to be addressed, then they can engage

Click here to sign the petition

Who is for God? Allies

Count yourself as a petitioner to our leaders to address the approximately 1 out 8 American Orthodox Jews [that] are expected to stop being Orthodox because of a lack of כבוד הבריות (respect for all things)

Click here to learn more about the problem

Be counted, so that victims can count on you

You care for each Jew that leaves or pulls back from our community and or religion "because they experienced Judaism as a source of pain... [stemming from] bad behavior and perceived hypocrisy in the community, especially from community leaders".

Sign The Petition

The problem

Why some Jews choose to leave

Based on available surveys conducted in 2016: Approximately 1 out 8 American Orthodox Jews are expected to stop being Orthodox because of “corrupt leaders, role/worship of rabbis, community hypocrisy, double standards, judgmentalism, rumors, and not [feeling] accepted”

based on Nishma Study and Pew Research

No data has yet been found to estimate how many of those that stay Orthodox:

Decide to move to a different community
Stay in their community, but leave to a different synagogue
Remove themselves socially and from services for an extended period of time
Form or join a new Minyan (prayer group)
Pull back socially / not volunteer as much

Anonymous Victim Quotes

It's not just Orthodox Jews

Anecdotal evidence suggests many other sects and religious communities of all denominations around the world experience a similar trend though it is not known to what degree

Selected reasons include bad behavior and perceived hypocrisy in the community, especially from community leaders

“The Nishma study, as well as a study by Faranak Margolese, who wrote the book, Off the Derech: Why Observant Jews Leave Judaism; How to Respond to the Challenge, came to the conclusion that: "Most formerly observant Jews today seem to have left, not [or, in the Nishma study - not so much] because the outside world pulled them in, but, rather, because the observant one pushed them out. They experienced Judaism as a source of pain ... so they did what was natural: go in the other direction."

Source

Trigger warning - victims statements

Community leaders in [Plonyville] have made me feel unworthy

“I too have felt that our community culture has toxic elements to it. While at most times and with most people I have felt comfortable and welcome, there are community leaders in [Plonyville] who have made me feel unworthy of attention and unqualified for participation in the Jewish community. It is extremely painful to recollect.”

Anonymous [Plonyville] Resident #1

Bullying and lashon hara to preserve their grip on power

Community leaders in [Plonyville] have made me feel unworthy

“I feel that [Plonyville] is a beautiful community that has grown organically. However, there is a faction of our leadership that has lost touch with our collective community needs and has chosen to use unbecoming tactics such as bullying and lashon hara to preserve their grip on power over certain institutions that are at the center of our community.”

Anonymous [Plonyville] Resident #2

A distinct lack of empathy

Community leaders in [Plonyville] have made me feel unworthy

Our leadership is sincere. What’s lacking is serious ongoing supervision

“We moved to the [Plonyville] community and didn’t get invited out. We felt alone and not part of the community. We then felt a distinct lack of empathy and collaboration from a local institution when a conflict came up. We were asked to leave without so much as a face-to-face conversation. It felt unfair and biased and not a level playing field.”

Anonymous [Plonyville] Resident #3

Our leadership is sincere. What’s lacking is serious ongoing supervision

“[Plonyville] has well meaning people. By and large, there’s good will and a lack of hierarchy. Folks are friends with their friends. But, community is more than the loveliness of these relationships. My take goes back years, so it may not be relevant today. But, outside these friendship/donor loops, I witnessed too much favoritism, nepotism and unfortunate harshness - even bullying.

Our leadership is sincere. What’s lacking is serious ongoing supervision. When you deal with people, studying Torah is simply insufficient and even misleading because you may think you know more than you do. An ongoing supervision group for leadership with well-trained sages outside the community could be a real blessing.”

Anonymous [Plonyville] Resident #4

Resigning myself to be in an exile

Our leadership is sincere. What’s lacking is serious ongoing supervision

Resigning myself to be in an exile

“Thank you for speaking with me. All I can say is that I am sorry if I have been part of the problem and wish to know how I personally can do better. In terms of organizations, I have been hurt by plenty. Personal information that one board member knew was then shared with other members and clergy, perhaps so that they knew what was going on with a congregant? But if so, why didn’t they try to talk to me about the issue. I certainly don’t trust that information, esp financial info, is held securely. I love that so many people volunteer and get involved with organizations, it’s how they work. It also means that things fall through the cracks and people know things they shouldn’t. Life as an outsider is hard. I don’t know where I went wrong, covid? My kids? Me? What happened to people not just posting flyers but also asking if others wanted to go to things together? Maybe I am just too old for that. I don’t know how to help, I am resigning myself to be in an exile of sorts and hope it’s better for my kids.”

Anonymous [Plonyville] Resident #5

I thought I was among friends here

Our leadership is sincere. What’s lacking is serious ongoing supervision

Resigning myself to be in an exile

“I thought I was among friends here in [Plonyville] … I feel alone because no one would stand up for me. I’m a victim that suffered emotional trauma at the hands of community representatives. What would make me feel better is to know people here care enough about me and the other’s who have been hurt WRONGLY to admit the problem and try to institute constructive change. ”

Anonymous [Plonyville] Resident #6

Out of sight, hence out of mind

I’ve always felt myself an outsider

“Our primary reason for moving to [Plonyville] was to have our children. But we have found instead a fertile ground for bullying, lying, and abuse amongst the youth. We ignored warnings from a minority of parents detailing this problem when we first arrived. The vast majority support ignore or downplay the issues. Others remain unaware. Others accept there is nothing that can be done even though many have left. We simply don’t see them anymore. They no longer attend shul. They no longer affiliate with Judaism as they once did. They are out of sight, hence out of mind. Dissenting voices, no matter how kindly they are delivered, are flatly unwelcome. At times, we too feel unwelcome. We fear being completely outcast from the community if we publicly express our experience. Some of the new members of the community will learn this the hard way as we have.”

Anonymous [Plonyville] Resident #7

I’ve always felt myself an outsider

"In a land bereft of heroes we need our leaders to be our heroes. We can’t expect average people to step up especially when they are new or are on the fringes.

People have a need to belong. If we are not sensitive to what they are sensitive to, then there might not be anyone to hear them.

I would like to expect more from our leaders. When someone expresses a concern to to a leader, perhaps the leader should consider that that person is being brave, is maybe taking his one shot to maybe be heard. It might be a better path to expect that that person speaks in the voice of others as well.

I’ve always felt myself an outsider. It has been easier for me to speak. I have also had a ton of coaching. But other people don’t have that courage. People wear a mask all the time. If we are sensitive to the one time that it might come down, we could rock the world.

One health care professional shared with us that Rabbinic ordination does not confer all the tools a rabbi needs to manage emotional and interpersonal conflicts.

As we strive to develop in Torah, we might also want to strive to develop a listening that all of our community is attended to.

(sorry about the dangling prepositions)"

Anonymous [Plonyville] Resident #8

לא עליכם המלאכה לגמר ולא אתם בני חורין לבטל ממנה

לא עליכם המלאכה לגמר ולא אתם בני חורין לבטל ממנה